calling that word document a draft by the way im dodging it haha
Calling that document a draft the way it makes me shiver and want to wrap myself on a blanket
Tracks
im so calm and normal but also if im misunderstood by people in a way i cannot control i will tear apart the fibers of the universe
If you work a tipped job literally make up a silly name for yourself and people will think you’re so much more charismatic and personable for the exact same service. People are soo much nicer and tip me better when I say my names Melon. They fucking love it all I gotta say is yup that’s my real name. my parents are huge hippies. I know fucking insane right. Fucking stupid. With a straight face and especially the old people they have to fan themselves they get so excited
If you deal with a ton of unbearable older white men and/or normal dog owners, call yourself Maverick
With older white men, you will hijack their brains into Toxic Masculine Nostalgia, typically about either Top Gun or some old cowboy show, and they will adore you from the childhood boyish part of themselves that want desperately to be named Maverick as well.
With dog owners, you have a 1/20th chance to have the same same as their dog.
People who give pets a bit of chocolate when they know it’s their pets last day are a bit of a funny concept. Imagine being old and friends with an alien who will live ten times your lifespan and they’re like “ah shit he’s dying, well since you’re dying anyway haven’t you always wanted to know what uranium tastes like?”
I just saw a story on AO3 tagged “pet p!ay”
TIK TOK MUST BE STOPPED BEFORE IT DESTROYS LANGUAGE
Ok, unless something’s going on I’m not aware of (extremely likely), I gotta point out the term “Pet Play” is significantly older than Tik Tok, or most of its userbase for that matter.
Yeah, I’m not mad about using the term “pet play”. That’s a perfectly fine term. I’m mad because they didn’t use that term: they used “pet p!ay”, a censored version
Oh. Oh gawd I missed that. Objection withdrawn, that is objectively terrible.
To anybody who is new to posting on ao3, if you’re using a tag you have to use the correct spelling of that tag. People aren’t going to type in every version of a censored word to hide or look for your content 
For everyone new to tumblr, the same rule applies to tumblr too.
You cannot censor your tags! Censored tags cannot be block or filtered. Censoring tags HARMS your audience, it does not protect them
do you think when they release the anchor it bonks a fish on the head sometimes . sorry thats probably sad to think about. maybe jf we imagine the funny coconut bonk sound and the fish is only a little annoyed. lets keep it PG no blood. they have a date at the anemone fields tomorrow it wouldnt be fair. oh fuck a second anchor
